Brig, Soren and Reidar- this woman could be you, speaking out. A child of parental abduction.

Vincent is getting sick.

French father on hunger strike awaits Macron in Tokyo

Japan’s single custody system and abductions a rare thorn for allies

Vincent Fichot, a French father whose children were abducted by his wife, began a hunger strike outside the Olympic Stadium on July 8 in a bid to persuade both the French and Japanese governments to act. To his side is Scott McIntyre, an Australian who has been separated from his two children since 2019. (Photo by Francesca Regalado)FRANCESCA REGALADO, Nikkei staff writerJuly 22, 2021 16:56 JST

TOKYO — When French President Emmanuel Macron arrives in Japan on Friday, he will be the only leader of a developed nation to attend the opening ceremony of the Tokyo Olympics.

In Tokyo, the French president is expected to meet Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga and have an audience with Emperor Naruhito, as well as promote the 2024 summer Games in Paris. But Macron’s most consequential meeting in Japan may be with his own countryman.

Two years have passed since Macron’s last meeting with Vincent Fichot, a 15-year resident of Japan and former Nomura Securities trader whose children were taken by his wife from their Tokyo home in 2018.

Unable to see his son and daughter after three years of lobbying Japanese legislators, four lawyers, a resolution in the European Parliament and a U.N. complaint, Fichot began a hunger strike on July 8, sitting on a yoga mat outside Japan’s National Stadium. The 39-year-old is taking the action to persuade both the French and Japanese governments to act.

Gaps in Japan’s legal system on custody and divorce are laid bare in Fichot’s case, which Macron broached with former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in 2019. Even worse, Fichot and his supporters argue, the ordinariness of child abductions in Japan is a human rights violation. When children of foreign parents are taken, it creates a rare point of contention between Japan and the developed nations it counts as allies.

“Japan is very good at signing treaties and passing laws to give the impression that they’re changing things,” Fichot told Nikkei Asia. “The existing law is enough. It’s the implementation.”

Japan is a signatory to both the U.N. convention on the rights of the child, which names abduction as a violation, and the Hague convention on child abductions. The former obligates countries to prevent the abduction of children, and codifies a child’s right to maintain relations and contact with both parents.

“The matter is completely a domestic matter since the children did not move beyond the border. It is not a case where the Hague Convention can apply,” a spokesperson for Japan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs said.

According to Fichot, local police dismissed his efforts to file missing persons reports for his children, as well as a criminal complaint against his wife. As Japanese law has no concept of joint custody, a family court judge awarded custody to his wife as the primary caregiver, as both children were then under the age of three.

Repeated attempts by France’s mission in Tokyo to gain Japanese law enforcement’s cooperation have been fruitless. “No information was transmitted to us concerning the location of Mr. Fichot’s children and despite our efforts, we were unable to obtain that Mr. Fichot could meet his children or that this embassy be authorized to carry out a consular visit,” a spokesperson told Nikkei Asia.

The children are dual citizens of Japan and France. “Even my government doesn’t know where my kids are or whether they’re alive,” Fichot said.

Left-behind parents in Japan refer to themselves with the acronym LBP. Each year, over 150,000 minors in Japan are separated from one of their parents, according to the nonprofit organization Kizuna Child-Parent Reunion.

“Japan complains internationally about the 13 children abducted by North Korea, but over 100,000 children are missing in Japan,” said Scott McIntyre, an Australian who has been separated from his two children since 2019.

Indeed, the Japanese government has an office dedicated to the return of children taken by North Korea four decades ago, often a political rallying cry for nationalist groups. Meanwhile, McIntyre says local police have not acted on Interpol missing persons reports for his children.French President Emmanuel Macron delivers a speech at the Elysee Palace in Paris on July 19.   © Reuters

For the past 14 days, Fichot has received a diverse group of left-behind mothers and fathers, foreign and Japanese, showing that the problem of single custody is not limited to gender or nationality.

Last week, a Japanese father traveled 18 hours back and to from Osaka, just to speak with Fichot about his missing children for a half hour. Kumiko Oosugi, a 65-year-old mother who was separated from her children 35 years ago, heard about Fichot’s hunger strike on Twitter and also came from Osaka to support him.

“He’s doing it for himself and his kids, but he’s doing it for us too,” said Masaki Matsubara, a Tokyo resident who was separated from his daughter for a few months last year. After work each day, he comes by to check on Fichot.

Politicians have also visited Fichot during his hunger strike, including the ruling Liberal Democratic Party’s Hiroshi Hase and Masahiko Shibayama.

“The joint custody of children is common sense around the world,” Banri Kaieda, a lawmaker from the opposition Constitutional Democratic Party of Japan, told Nikkei Asia on Monday.

Hase in 2014 was part of a group of 40 legislators that tried to formulate new laws to ensure child visitations for divorced parents. The effort was futile, allowing a Tokyo court in February to reject a constitutional challenge to Japan’s single custody system, submitted by a Japanese father who had lost custody of his two sons after divorce.

“Of course, under the system of separation of powers, politics cannot intervene in the judiciary,” Shibayama said on Tuesday. “I am appealing to the Japanese government to go further than it did two years ago and respond in good faith, or Japan will be embarrassed internationally.”

Justice Minister Yoko Kamikawa convened an advisory panel in February to discuss revisions to Japan’s custody laws. But developing legal amendments in Japan is typically a yearslong process.

“My children don’t have that time,” said Fichot.

A penal case against his wife is pending in France, after failed attempts in Japanese courts. Fichot and nine other foreign and Japanese parents of abducted children are also waiting for the U.N. human rights council to resolve their joint complaint against Japan.

“Japan is not safe for children. Nobody expects it because this doesn’t happen in our countries,” said McIntyre, the Australian father.

Members of the French expatriate community have spent nights outside the stadium, keeping watch as Fichot slept. Supporters come bearing ice, flashlights, batteries and water bottles. A group of friends pick up his laundry, charge his electronics, and guard his belongings while he showers in a nearby gym.

As temperatures climbed in Tokyo this week, Fichot began taking saltwater capsules once a day. Daily medical checks have so far found him in good physical condition, perhaps due to his preparation for the hunger strike, which involved decreasing his caloric intake for six weeks until he was down to an omelet and avocado per day.

Amanda was an alienated child. Her father took her away from her mother, and now she is reaching out to other children.

Brig, Soren and Reidar, you can learn and get help from Amanda. She says

Never ever give up. 

WHO AM I? (THE ALIENATED CHILD)

23 May 2021|Alienated Child, Parental Alienation

(Child of Parental Alienation & Abduction)

I am 11, my father has taken me from my mum. I am isolated 15,000km away from her,  distracted by possessions, new stories, new places, new people and a new life. My world with my mum is suddenly gone. My old friends are all gone. The people I trusted are gone. The places and activities I did with mum are gone. Where is my family, where is my community? Does anyone care? I miss her but I am being forced to forget everything that meant something.

There are no more loving cuddles, fun-loving conversations, someone to adore me, accept me, encourage me, guide me and love me. I can no longer hear her laugh or see her smile. She is gone but I have to move on and I don’t know how.

I am at a new school. There is no encouragement or support from anyone. No one knows I  have been cut off from my mum. My memories and feelings are put into a  box and they are forced into a place I have trouble finding. I have to start fresh. People ask where is your mum? I don’t know what to say, as I  feel guilty and ashamed. So I make up stories to fill the gaps.

My father keeps telling me how wonderful everything is and how lucky I am.  He repeats everything to me over and over again. I start to feel like there is something wrong with me because I don’t feel lucky or happy. I  feel alone and no one understands.

I am 12 looking in the mirror and all I see is sadness and loneliness but I don’t know why. I see my face changing into my mother’s looks but I am starting to feel this is not a good thing as I am told every time I disagree or rebel I am just like my mother. So my mum is now a bad person who I should no longer admire. So who should I be like?

I sit on my bed and I drag my metal ruler over my legs, each time getting deeper. I watch my legs bleed and it doesn’t hurt, as the pain I feel inside is much worse, but I  can’t get rid of it.

I see other children with their mothers, I  try and find that place where my mum exists in my mind but it hurts too much and I push it down. I feel angry but I don’t have anyone to talk to that understands. I am afraid of speaking about her as I don’t want to disappoint my father.

I try to make friends but find I have nothing good to talk about and I am ungrateful because my father tells me so. My father tells everyone how good I am at everything but I feel like I am good at nothing. I do everything in extremes to start coping.  Being extra organised, super neat, obsessive routines and going above and beyond on my school assignments. But I can’t find happiness because I  am lost.

I am 13 and I exist in a shell of a body that is starting to change. I see my body as fat and not feminine and I cannot look at myself in the mirror anymore without crying. I start to count calories, fat and sodium. I begin exercising hard but every time I eat I  feel guilty and this is my secret.

I find myself in places where you cannot find love but only lust. All I want to do is please others and hope I can feel something. But all I feel is shame and guilt. Why do  I feel this way? Who can I talk to?

My father and his new wife are never around. I am left alone nearly every weekend without supervision. I find myself living my worst nightmare. I am trying to find where I fit in this world. One night I get drunk for the first time then I am raped and I feel disgusting and I can’t tell anyone. Visions go through my head again and again of having his mouth held over my mouth so hard that I cannot scream or breathe. The nurse keeps telling  me, “you need to talk, you have got to talk.” But words cannot come out. I feel pain all through my body and my wrists feel broken. I feel dirty and ashamed. How did I get myself into this situation? Who can I tell?

I am 14 and now everything is about exercise and eating. I secretly eat  food to comfort my feelings. It feels good for a few moments but I am  flooded with disgust so I make myself sick again and again. My fingers are down my throat after every meal and I am running many kilometres to burn calories that I consumed and cannot bring up.

One day a phone call comes through, it is my mum. It was a surprise, she sounds excited to find my voice on the line but I cannot speak. She asks me how I am. I  am frozen and my chest is tight. I have no words as no one ever asks me how I am. I don’t know how to think or feel about me but I am hurting and I don’t know why. Why can’t I see her and everything go back to the way it was? I put the phone down as I become overwhelmed. Was it all just a dream? I am shutting down. Why couldn’t I tell her I love her?

I  try to bring up a conversation with my dad about my mum. The good memory is not welcome. It turns into negative statements about things she did or reasons why I am not with her. It hurts but I have to accept that I can’t have her in my life. But I need her.

I am 15 and I  run every day. I am running so much just so I can sleep at night. I  exhaust myself so my thoughts turn off. As I run down the beach I see other teenagers laying on the beach in their bathers. They’re all talking and having fun. Why can’t I be like them?

I watch closely at parents talking with their children, watching how excited they are and seeing how they interact. I start to feel myself flood with sadness and I have to push away from everyone as it hurts too much. Why cannot someone love me like that? Why have I become a loner and so unlovable?

I  am 16 and I am boxing, lifting weights every day at the gym, swimming every morning and running hard late at night. I feel strong but angry and this is my only release. I no longer feel like a girl. I don’t wear dresses or skirts, as I feel ugly and awkward. I feel like I barely exist. Others say I look amazingly fit but I feel frail and powerless.  What is life about?

I meet new friends but I don’t understand why I  am different or why I can’t bond with girls as others do. I see them greet with a hug but it doesn’t feel right when I do it. I feel like I  am pretending. I sit in the corner and I can’t think or speak. I don’t know how to interact so I just watch and try and listen. I want to be around people but why can’t I fit in?

I am 17 and I find myself in a relationship with a man older than me. He is strong and tall but he drinks and smokes a lot and gets into fights. I want to be loved by him but it is one-sided, everything is about pleasing him. I do everything for him and don’t understand why I am always crying. He cheats on me, is always drunk or stoned and I feel I am to blame. Is this how relationships should be? If it is, it hurts.

My father is always talking to me about his feelings when no one else is around. He tells me things that children should not hear. He talks to me about my mum,  tells me she slept with other men, says her lawyers gave her poor advice, all the money that she lost him and how she destroyed his business. I don’t understand it all, but I feel anger. As soon as I hear him say my mum’s name Nola, all I can think of is how my mum used to play the “Eye of the Tiger” song from the Rocky movie and how she would cry.  I would drift off and think about how he would have affairs and would come home and treat my mum really bad. He was very violent towards my mum. I was confused if these memories were real as he was always telling me all the good things he did and all the bad things mum did.

I  am 18 and I am moving back from California to Perth. I leave my dad, my brother and my family in Sydney. I am going to try and find my mum as a  part of me longs for her love, but I am broken, confused, ashamed and lost. What will it be like? Will she love me?

The day comes where I  meet her. She is now much shorter than me as I have grown up into a  woman. She is frail, her chest and face flushed red. She looks alcohol ravaged but greets me with a sad smile and a soft hug. I don’t know her journey and all I can think of is, why did you let this happen? I watch her speak and I see tears in her eyes but all I can think about is myself.

My conversations revolve around why she wasn’t around, why did she not visit, why did she not love me anymore. My mum spends the next 15 minutes telling me the great lengths she went to in trying to make contact and hiring investigators to find me. She said she sent gifts to the schools that I never received and money in birthday cards. I  never saw any of them. I don’t know who to believe. All I feel is pain and confusion.

My mum tells me how she has been fighting in court for 7 ½ years. She also says I am so much like my father and inside I am screaming with anger. “I am not like Dad, I am like you, and I even  look like you.” How could she say this? It was like a sword through my heart.

We walk back up the hill to St Mary’s Cathedral where the taxi stand is. She breaks off a rose and gives it to me. A part of me is relieved to have seen her but I don’t know how to tell her how much I  missed her and how I want her in my life. I just want to start again. I  get in the taxi and I start to heave and cry all the way back to my dad’s parent’s house.

The following days I call the number she gave me again and again. No answer and no answering machine to leave a  message. Thoughts run through my head, “she doesn’t want to speak to me,  she doesn’t love me.” Weeks later the phone is disconnected and I can’t find her.

I have just turned 19, I am sitting on my bed and the phone rings. I answer and a voice on the end says “I am sorry to hear  about your mum.” I say “What do you mean you’re sorry?” The voice says,  “Haven’t you read today’s paper?” I say “No, what happened?” The voice  says “You better go and get the paper.”

I put the phone down and run over 300 meters down Mill Point Road to the news agency. I pick up the paper run outside and sit on the curb and on the front page is a  huge photo of my mum. I turn to the continuing story on another page and  read “How the Red Tape Destroyed Nola.” I raced my eyes down the page  and read “Nola had gassed herself in her car.”

It was too late.  All those years of emotional suffering that only a parent who travels on this type of journey will ever understand. The never-ending grief of losing your children, when you have done nothing wrong.

*********

I  tell my story so I can heal and so others can learn about the impact it can have when a parent isolates their child from their other parent and manipulates them to believe the other parent is a bad parent.

Nothing my mum did was ever right in my father’s eyes and everything he did he believed was right. He thought he was the best parent and thought my mum was not worthy of anything, not even her children. He treated her like she should be punished. He did everything he could to emotionally,  financially and socially destroy her, and he was successful.

He wanted me to believe he saved me from my mum, that he was my saviour and everything was fantastic living with him. But in fact, he stole a big part of me. I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged. No one could ever replace my mum.

My father could not show the same type of love towards me like my mum did, as we were so close. We were best friends. She was the most fun-loving mum that anyone could imagine. She made everything fun. But dad wanted her destroyed and it didn’t matter to him that he was destroying a part of me too. He showed no signs of empathy towards my mum or me.

I grew up with a feeling of no identity and didn’t know what a healthy relationship was. I lost an important role model in my life, so I had no guidance.

In our society, it has become acceptable to grow up without one of your parents and this should never be allowed. It is unacceptable especially when there is no evidence of abuse of the parent left behind.

Parents must never be allowed to isolate their children from their other parent.  Many ways children are being isolated are by the use of false allegations, the misuse of restraining orders,  abducting the child overseas, interstate or even in the same suburb.  And too often children are being so heavily influenced they end up rejecting their other parent completely.

The children suffer in silence. They don’t even understand that what they are experiencing is emotional child abuse.

Legal and mental health professional I urge you to educate in the dynamics of parental alienation and its sinister sister parental abduction.  Children of high conflict divorce or separation need support and the tools to cope, to put down boundaries and be free to have both parents in their life with no pressure.

If you are a child or teenager that has found yourself disconnected from a parent you love and once had in your life, I encourage you to please reach out and connect with your other parent. It is important that you also get some support through a counsellor or psychologist to help you cope, to teach you to put down some boundaries with the parent that is influencing you and to also help you gain confidence in yourself and gain some control back in your life. You have the right to love both of your parents.

If you are a parent that has been isolated from your child and you are experiencing unbearable grief or are finding it difficult to find your way in life without your child, are having trouble communicating with your child please get some support through a counsellor or psychologist.  Your child needs you more than you can imagine. They need you to stay strong, to look after your mental and physical health and to keep living your life. You are important. Believe in yourself.

Never ever give up. 

Amanda Sillars (Founder of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo Foundation)

Brig, Soren and Reidar

Will President Macron have the courage to meet with Vincent? He met with Vincent 2 years ago. And Vincent is waiting for him outside the gates of Olympic Stadium.

Will Macron have a spine and meet him? or is he a coward?

En marge des JO, le chef de l’Etat Emmanuel Macron s’entretiendra samedi avec le Premier ministre Yoshihide Suga, deux ans après sa première visite au Japon en juin 2019. Ils évoqueront la situation dans la zone indo-pacifique, confrontée à la pression maritime et militaire croissante de la Chine, et l’attractivité économique, alors qu’une rencontre est prévue avec des chefs d’entreprises commerciales et des nouvelles technologies.

Des enfants enlevés, une pratique fréquente

Au Japon, le président français est aussi attendu sur le sujet des enfants enlevés par l’un de leur parent au Japon, une pratique fréquente et tolérée par les autorités dans le pays en cas de séparation du couple. Le pays ne reconnaît ni le droit de visite ni le partage de l’autorité parentale.

Vincent Fichot, un Français résidant à Tokyo et qui endure une telle situation depuis près de trois ans, mène une grève de la faim devant une gare proche du stade olympique depuis le 10 juillet.

Bien que sa santé commence à décliner, il ne veut pas toujours renoncer tant qu’il n’aura pas retrouvé ses deux enfants âgés de 4 et 6 ans et subtilisés en 2018 par leur mère japonaise, ou tant que la France n’appliquera pas des «sanctions» contre le Japon pour non-respect de ses engagements internationaux concernant les droits de l’enfant.

Des conseillers du président ont rendu visite à Vincent Fichot vendredi après-midi, mais le Français de 39 ans s’est dit «déçu» de cette rencontre.

« J‘ai besoin de résultats »

Les autorités françaises «n’ont pas de mauvaise volonté, mais cette volonté n’est pas assez forte» pour faire réellement pression sur le Japon, a-t-il déclaré à l’AFP. «J’ai besoin de résultats, pas d’actes symboliques».

Another day, more mother showed up to support Vincent. Please help.

Another father. another family destroyed.

Please learn about Vincent’s Hunger strike. When will it end?

Vincent’s friend Scott joins him in the hunger strike to see his children.

3 mothers join Vincent on his hunger strike to see the children/

Brig, Soren and Reidar- I miss you so much.